View Full Transcript
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: Hey, thanks so much for listening to this message. My name is Jason, and I'm one of the ministers here at the Madison Church of Christ. It's our hope and prayer that the teaching from God's words you hear today will bless your life and draw you closer to him. If you're ever in the Madison, Alabama area, we'd love for you to worship with us on Sundays at 830 or 10:30 a.m. If you have any other questions about the Bible or want to know more about the Madison church, find [email protected] Be sure to also check out our Bible study podcast, Madison Church of Christ Bible Studies. Thanks again for stopping by.
[00:00:38] Speaker C: Good morning, dad. This is. I'll give you the fill in. What? I'll fill you right you are. You live with me half time. You live with Mark half time because you don't live on your own anymore. You got memory loss. So today you're at my house and you'll be here for three or four days, and then you'll go to Mark's for three or four days. We switched. Well, you sold your house about two years ago. You have all the money. You don't have to worry about that. You just have memory loss. So you live with your children. That's all that's happening.
[00:01:11] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:01:12] Speaker C: All right. What else? What else do you want to know? That's it. All know goes along. Do you know where you are? What city you're in? Your house? You know where we live?
Do you know where we live? That's correct. You're absolutely right. All right, I gotta go to the bathroom. All right, dad.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: That video, that was one that you just watched, was posted by a man named Dan Salinger several years ago. Dan and his brother ended up finding out something that a lot of you in this room found out recently or maybe have found out or will find out, and that's that your mom or your dad is dealing with Alzheimer's or dementia. And so what happened is he and his brother made the decision to bring their dad into their home. In one week he would be at their house, and the other week he would be at the other brother's house. And this was kind of on a whim that he was experiencing a very interesting conversation with his dad that had recently moved into his house. And so he decided, I'm just going to video this interaction because I know there might be some people that find some encouragement in this, that they might be going through a thing like I am. And so maybe this can be somewhat of a support.
And so he videoed an interaction that he had with his dad, and he put it on social media and basically said, I hope this encourages and maybe helps some of you that are in a very similar position.
Well, he had no clue that within a few days that that video would end up getting thousands of shares, have thousands of likes, and have millions of views. And since this moment, Dan and his dad that he has brought into his home have been on different morning shows and different today.
Know, there's so many things that I love about that video that we just watched. But one of the things that I absolutely love is how every single day when he wakes up, he reminds his dad where he's at.
He doesn't get frustrated. He's patiently letting him know that all of his affairs are in order, that he's got different things in place, that his house is taken care of, that he is taken care of.
And if you've ever had the opportunity to watch the previous videos, what's amazing about this whole thing is that even though he has Alzheimer's and dementia, because his son has taken the time over and over again, day after day, that even as someone that is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he starts to understand and accept his new role and his new place in the family.
One of the things that I think we all instinctively and intuitively know is that there are cycles to life.
And even though we know that there is a cycle to life, it still does not take away from the fact that there is weight. There's uncharted territory as we navigate what we'll call today role reversal. Now, when I say role reversal, what I'm talking about is the person that cared for you, that was so independent has now become dependent. And the one that was raised to be independent and has now moved to this place that they're having to lead and help and walk people through things that they've never walked through before.
I was thinking about this past week. One of the ways that I've seen this in my life of role reversal is the way that my dad and mom had cared for my granddad that had Alzheimer's. So I want to give you a little bit of background, because maybe some of you can relate to this. My granddad was one of those kind of people that was very in control of what he wanted to do on the farm and in his life. He was one of those that was a really good leader that could make some very big time decisions. In fact, I've shared with you guys before that my dad grew up on the farm. And so my granddad was one of those people that if there was something on the farm that needed to be fixed, he could fix it. If something went wrong with the tractor or the truck, he didn't send it to a mechanic. He figured it out himself. I remember even at times when I would shake his hand, how thick his fingers were, and they constantly had oil or grease or something on them, no matter how much he washed those hands. And he was so involved in that farm. And some of you will find this funny, but some of you lived in this day, so you know what I'm talking about. That he had had five children, he and my grandmother. And he literally said this to my grandma, we need more help, Martha. We need to have more children. Isn't that kind of crazy, that there was a time that they had more children to have help on the farm? My granddad, the way he put it, is this. That they had five kids, and then my grandmother gets pregnant with twins.
And so the way my granddad always told me, he said, it goes like this. Boy, girl, boy, oh, boy.
And my dad was the boy in the oh, boy. And so he got to see his whole life, my grandfather raise all of these kids and take leadership in so many different areas. But to me, the greatest accomplishment of my granddad comes to a few things. I think about when they were growing up, they qualified at school for free reduced lunch to have their lunches taken care of. And I think, by the way, that's an awesome service that we have, and nothing wrong with people taking advantage of that. They should. But my granddad, when they let him know that they could have free lunch and things like that, my granddad said, well, I need to do something for the school then. So he would work on the farm in the morning. He would go to the school, get the school bus, drive every day, the kids to their different locations, drop it, back off, and then go back to the farm. I say that to say, that's the kind of person he is. But to me, his greatest accomplishment was on a Sunday, they were out in the fields working, because my dad did not grow up in a Christian family for a part of his life. They were out in the fields working on a Sunday like they always had. And this preacher from the Camilla Church of Christ, he drove by every single day, their house, on the way to that church building. And he saw my dad and the other brothers and sisters out in the field working. And he said, you know what? I'm going to pull over and talk to that man. And so he pulled into that house, and he knocked on the door, and he said, hey, I was wanting to chat with you about something. I drive by here every Sunday on my way to preach, and I noticed that you don't have you or your family in a church.
One of the things that I just want to share with you is, we would love to have you be a part of our church family. We would love to share with you about Jesus. Could I have that opportunity?
And my granddad, who was very strict to his farm plans, said, absolutely. Why don't you come back this afternoon? So that preacher came back to the house that afternoon. They got all around the dining room table. They studied the gospel with my granddad, and that day, him, my grandmother, and the siblings gave their life to Christ.
From that moment on, they hardly, if ever, missed a worship service. In fact, my dad and his brothers were basically the ones that did the entire worship service growing up.
I say all of that to say, I want to give you the picture of the independent leader he was.
And that's partly what also made it incredibly difficult. When we found out that he was dealing with dementia and Alzheimer's, we had little warning signs of different slip ups and different conversations. But if you've ever walked through this before, you know what I'm about to say. It was with each day, there was a new challenge that seemed to build and get bigger. I remember we got a call one day that Granddad had taken all the doors off of the hinges in the entire house.
He didn't know why. Grandmother didn't know why. He just knew he was used to fixing stuff and working on things. It was getting to the part where we no longer wanted him to drive, and we're nervous about that. But he hopped into his truck, and even though he wasn't able to farm anymore, he went to a local Toro dealer and bought the most expensive tractor that was there. Emptied a lot of their savings. And so Grandmother and one of my uncles had to go back and tell him what happened, and the man was gracious enough to give them that money back. And so, little by little, and then finally, I guess, the straw that broke the camel's back is. My granddad was very protective of my grandmother. In fact, I'll never forget, when I was a little kid, Grandma was sweeping the porch, and he said to me and my cousin Todd, he said, we were playing with tractors. He said, keep those off the. You know, Grandma just. Just swept the porch, and we're like, yes, sir, you know. Well, we got a little distracted and ended up putting those tractors back on the porch. I remember the way he gave me that broom, and he introduced me to a belt and then made me apologize to my grandmother because she had worked so hard. He was so protective of her.
And what made it so incredibly difficult is when we got a call from my uncle when he said, hey, I wanted to let you know that Daddy locked Grandma in the bathroom.
In his eyes, he was protecting her. And even when I went there, he had tears in his eyes because he didn't know where she was.
He didn't know what he did. He didn't understand what he was doing.
And so we had to make the very difficult decision to put him in a memory care center.
And as a child, one of the greatest things I had ever learned from my mom and dad is how they handled those moments in that nursing home.
And I'm going to share with you what is the wrong perspective that I had as a young man, but it still, I hope, encourages you as you're walking with your parents through a moment like this, that there's lessons that you're teaching your children as you honor your father and mother. I remember going to that nursing home, and Granddad had really, basically, in my eyes, no clue that we were there. He would mumble, he would moan. And the only thing he would talk about, really, was a random memory of the farm.
He would repeat the same things over and over and over and over again. And I remember when we would go, I would say something, dad, it stinks in here.
It's awful.
We would usually get there, and one of the brothers or one of the sisters would change my granddad's diaper. And we were sitting there, and I remember that my dad, we would sit in that room for hours and just talk with him. And as a kid, being a little impatient, there was this little grassy area out front that me and my cousins like to go play football on. Can we go play football? He's like, no, you need to stay in here. No, can we go play football, please? He's like, no, you're staying in here. It. And I even remember as a kid, every time we visited, he would make me do my last leader's speech for him. And I remember we would get in the car, and I said to him one time, I said, dad, like, granddad doesn't even know what I'm doing when I do this speech for him. And he said, well, hold on a second. Number one, you don't know that.
And number two, I know, and God knows. And so in the meantime, what we're going to continue to do is to honor him.
Today we're going to talk about something that is near and dear to the heart of God. And it's this honoring your father and your mother.
This is something that, yes, shows up in the Ten Commandments. But what's neat is Jesus mentions it. When the Pharisees kind of point to the fact that, look how religious we are. He's like, yeah, that's great. And all that. You're checking things off the list, but you're still neglecting your mother and your father, as Mark talks about. And then even Paul reminds his audience. That one of the only commands in the Bible that comes with a promise. Is to honor your father and mother.
And so I remember as a kid, whenever I would see these Ten Commandments, one of the things that I remember seeing is that the teacher would use that felt board. And she would put the two stone tablets on there. And she would begin to talk about all of those things.
And whenever she would talk about those Ten Commandments, she would kind of go through each one, what it means and how we can live that out today. But I'll never forget, when I was at Faulkner, one of my professors, Cecil May, some of you know him, he got on the whiteboard and he wrote out all the Ten Commandments. And so what he did is, he said, all right, the first four Commandments, these deal with our vertical relationship, which is our relationship with God. He said, then the other category of commandments is this. It's the last five, which have to do with our relationship to other people. But then he put the fifth commandment in its own category. Right in the middle between those four and the other five. And I remember in that class, he asked, all right, which one of the two categories does this fall into?
And he made the point to say that it's both. That when we honor our Father and mother, that it has so much to do with. Yes, our vertical relationship, because it's one of those that is attached to a promise from God. But it also has so much to do with the horizontal.
That one of the greatest ways that we learn about God. Is by the way we honor and care for our mom and dad. As I was thinking about all of this this past week, I found myself saying something that I now wish I wouldn't have said especially. And I will get to a little bit more of this later. With some of the health things that my dad is going through. I remember being out in the yard. He would run the routes. Sometimes he would block my shot in basketball and having those experiences. And I had said things to the boys before like, man, I wish you all could have seen him when he was like this.
One of the things, I guess, is what I'm saying is if we're not careful, what can happen is we can long so much for what they used to be that we miss who they are.
And that's partly why I think he mentions and makes this such a big deal that it comes with a promise. See, nothing will teach you more about the love and the power of God than loving and honoring a father and a mother. See, it's a command that deals with a human relationship. But there's hardly anything that forms our influences or our relationships more than a relationship with our parents. One of the commentaries I read about this verse made this statement that honoring your father and mother, part of the reason why you do this is your parents, for a little while, are temporary, very temporary stand ins for God. And what he meant by that is when you're young and you don't yet have a relationship with God, you're learning. They're teaching you about the faith of Moses. They're teaching you about the courage of David. They're teaching you about the obedience of Noah. But their hope is that you will grow from dependence to independence and claim a walk of your own. And so your parents stand in that role. And so there's several implications for that. And from that. Number one, that when you live at home as a child, you obey them, but for all of your life, you honor them. Now, for some of you in this room, when you read that and you hear that, it's easy for you. But there's others of you in this room, that when you hear that and you see that it's not easy for you, and for those of you that it is kind of easy to see this and to understand it, it's because that even though you might not necessarily all the time agree with the decisions that your mom or dad make, and even though some of the decisions they might make frustrate you and maybe cause you a little bit more work or difficulty overall, you don't find it super difficult to honor them. But I also understand that in this room, there's some of you that when you hear this and you see that I'm to honor my father and mother, it's difficult to grasp that because maybe from them you experienced abuse.
Maybe for some of you, you experienced neglect. And your also wheels are probably turning and thinking, well, also the other difficult part of this is they weren't encouraging me in my walk with God. So how do I handle this? Well, here's what I want to tell you about honor and respect. We've kind of grouped those two concepts together. There's a difference between honor and respect. Respect is earned, but honor is to always be given. And what honor is about is this. Honor is about the position, not the performance. I want to say that again, that honor is about the position, not the performance. It's kind of like with the office of President. I would dare to say for some of you that there have been presidents that you don't necessarily agree with, that you don't see eye to eye with what they choose and what they do, but you still honor the position. Does that make sense? And so the reason why I say that, and you look at this text, that when we honor our father and mother, what we're actually doing is we're honoring the God behind the institution of parenthood. And I know this might seem like an OD statement to say, but the way that you can honor your father and mother the most is to grow up, obey God, even if they don't want you to.
Now, I'll give you this as an example.
Imagine for just a second, I drop off Cruz at Mr. Miss so and so's house.
And I say, all right, Cruz, make sure you listen to Mr. Miss so and so. You obey them.
You help, and you're respectful. Say, yes, ma'am. Yes, sir. And I'll call you when it's time to come home. So I go to my house, and then I call them and said, hey, it's time for Cruz to come home. And Cruz hears that, he's like, all right, I'm about to go home now. And they're like, no, you're not going home. You're staying here.
He's like, no, I'm going home. They're like, no, you're staying here with us.
What do I want Cruz to do? Well, I want Cruz to say, excuse me, no, I'm getting out of here. And I'm calling Channel Five. And you steal children. I'm getting out of here. That's what I want him to say, right? That even though I told him to honor them, my commands and what I say trumps it all. Does that make sense? That's what he's saying about the idea of honoring the position. And the ultimate way you honor your father and mother is by obeying God's word, even if they don't want you to do that. And by the way, kind of a neat thing about the way that honor works. And this is not a blanket statement, because it doesn't happen all the time. But sometimes when you show some honor to somebody that is not living honorable, a lot of times it's kind of neat. They sometimes do step into that honor.
And so here's the second implication. Honoring your father and mother means that you understand that there is a cycle to life, and God has placed parents and children in that cycle with responsibilities to one another at various stages.
This is what I was sharing and talking about earlier when I shared that role reversal is very difficult. The person that was so independent is now being dependent, and the one that was dependent is now being independent. You might remember when Jerry Seinfeld made this analogy. It was really true. He said, your first birthday and your last birthday are very, very similar.
They're very similar in the fact that someone else blows out the candles for you. And then the other thing they do is they invite people to the party and they say, these are your friends. Right? They are very similar. But what he was trying to allude to is that there is this cycle of life. The one that was independent becomes dependent. The one that was dependent becomes independent. And part of the reason why I want to mention this and to really hone in on this is this is what the rest of the afternoon really is about, is how to handle that role reversal with grace and with wisdom. I share with you that one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned came from my mom and dad. When we would sit in that room with my granddad, when I would just listen to him, when we would talk to him, and dad would say, hey, tell him about what you're doing. Tell him what's going on. Even though at that time, I didn't think he understood, watching my dad lead my granddad through that was incredible. But now, as a family, we're having to see the person that cared for him now has to be cared for. So in 2004, it was right before school, the soccer team had moved onto campus before the other students did. And so we had these regular practices. And every day, dad, he would walk from his office at Faulkner and come and watch me for a few minutes. So it wasn't out of the ordinary for dad to come watch one of my practices, but he wouldn't usually stay that long. But this day, he pulled up beside that field, and he leaned on the back of that Corolla and was watching my practice. And then he ended up staying at the end of practice. And so I ran up to him, I was like, hey, dad. And I could tell by the look on his face that something was different, something was off. I was like, you all right? He goes, no, not really. I was like, well, what's going on? And he said, well, I went and got some blood work here in Montgomery not too long ago, and the doctor said something was off. And so they said, I need a second opinion. And so I went and did some more blood work at UAB, and we went up there, and I found out that I have cancer. Now, for those of you that have heard those words before, I don't know if you're like me, that when you hear that Cancer seems to be something that you hear that other people have, and it doesn't really become fully real until you experience that or someone close to you does. And so for me, Mr. Fixit, I was thinking, well, is there, like, a pill you can take to just eliminate it? We can kind of move on. He said, well, that's part of the reason why I'm standing here, that I was just told that I have about six months to a year to live.
Now, I share this, to share with you the wrong perspective, but also to show you that we all struggle to understand the timing and the place of certain things, but also for you to see that from my thoughts and my thought process, I was making it more about me, because the very first thing, truthfully, I thought was, are you kidding me? This is my freshman year.
I move on campus. This was the time my dad worked at Faulkner so I could be there, so we could afford it. This was the time. And then we get this.
So over the next few weeks, it was incredible what I saw when he got that diagnosis. There was a man at church named Scott Latham. And Scott was not satisfied with that answer of six months to a year. So what Scott did is he ended up calling around and said, hey, Dennis, I want to let you know that's my dad's name, that there's a place out in Houston that I think that can really help you, and let's go get a second opinion. And dad said, well, that would be great, but the problem is, insurance is not going to cover that.
And in just a second, we're going to read about a narrative in the Bible that when there was no family to be able to support and care as they needed, the brothers and the sisters stepped in.
And so what happened was Scott said, I'm not concerned about that. Dennis, we're going to get you to Houston.
Scott ended up calling different people at the university, Church of Christ, different people at Faulkner, and they started a fund to send dad, fly him out there to Houston.
Scott and others were involved in this. And by the way, Scott Latham is the father of Abby Walker.
And then One of the people that has been so giving to that is the granddad of Alex Wagner, who's one of our members here, Pierce Flat. There were countless people, like those two men that helped send my dad there. And so he goes out to Houston, which we think is going to be for just like three or four days, turns out to be a month.
He missed a lot of my games that first semester, and I remember that they flew us out to Houston, and we had Thanksgiving in the cafeteria at the hospital, and that was interesting. But I say all that to say there was all of these people, the body of Christ, that stepped up to help. And so since that moment, and I have to give credit where credit's due, it's really my mom and my sister, my brother in law in Montgomery, that have done an amazing job caring for my dad. And the difficult position that my mom's in is some of the positions maybe you will be in, or you are in, that. My dad has developed Parkinson's, and since Parkinson's, he's fallen a lot. And one of the issues is my mom can't stop working. He's on her insurance, but at the same time, she can't leave all the time to be with him. And so one of the things that we had to walk through and to explore is who to ask for help from, what is available, and we're going to cover some of those things in just a know, whenever I think of this, and Mark mentioned it this morning, the greatest example to me personally of honoring your father and mother was when Jesus was on the cross. I mean, think about what he had just been through. He had been publicly ridiculed. He had been betrayed by the people that loved him and that he needed the most. He was weeping there in the garden. He had been beaten, and he's on the cross. And the one thing that he decides to say on that cross is this. It says, standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother'sister, Mary. Mary Magdalene. And notice what it says on the cross when Jesus saw his mother.
One of the amazing things that happened at the cross is Jesus saw his mom.
Do you see your mama?
Do you See your dad?
When's the last time you reached out to them? When's the last time you saw know? When I was thinking about this, Jesus really broke the mold when it came to the treatment of motherhood and women in general. If you think about it, the fact that Jesus is talking to a woman, even on a cross, was something that no one would do. Men didn't talk to women like that in public.
But you notice all throughout his ministry.
Yes, I would say no one has done more for motherhood than Jesus Christ. But I will take it a step further. No one has done more for women than Jesus Christ. I think about when he was on his way to Gyrus's house to help heal his daughter, the woman that had the issue of blood. When she touches Jesus's robe, no doubt the crowd gasps, but Jesus stops and notices her. In John chapter four, there was the woman that had five husbands, and the man she was living with at the time wasn't her husband. The Bible says she shows up at the well at a time that would avoid women, the other ladies, because she was no doubt the object of gossip. When no one else in the community would talk to her, Jesus talked to her, not even just talking to her, but offered her new life. What I'm saying is this, wherever Jesus has been and wherever Christianity runs deep, the treatment of women has gotten better drastically.
He saw his mama, and he's showing a pattern here. But notice it doesn't just stop there. It was not just the fact that he saw her, but it says this, that when he saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, woman, behold your son. Then he said to the disciple, behold your mother.
And from that hour, the disciple took her to his own home. Who is the disciple? Was John.
You know what's interesting about this is that Jesus honored his mother on the cross by making sure she was cared for.
Isn't this amazing that he is in the middle of excruciating pain?
He doesn't pout. He doesn't focus inward. He doesn't think about himself. But even on the cross, what's he sayinG? I see my mom, and I'm going to make sure that she's taken care of.
In the midst of excruciating pain, Jesus saw his mom and he Honored and he took care of her for the Next few minutEs. What I want to share with you real quickly are some different ways that we can honor our father and mother. AnD as I share these with you, I want to tell you where they came from. I reached out to a lot of our members and families here at Madison and my own family and extended family and asked, can you share with me two things that you have learned as you've cared for an aging parent.
And I got a long list of things. And so what I did is I basically took all the common themes and I put them into these. So these come from People here in our Church, FamIly, and People in my family, as they share some of their expertise. And I want to make mention of this, too, as I share some of these ways that we can honor our father and mother. Please understand that while the focus is for the one that is caring for, that if you are the one being cared for, you too have a responsibility. You have A REsponsibility as well to help make these things Happen. So here's the first one is this. And this is not in order of importance to keep them included in the family and to communicate to them that they are loved. One of the greatest Examples that I see of this is with my wife's family, My In Laws. They have been so good at every birthday or an adoption date or celebration of one of our kids that they make sure that grand aun or one of their parents is included in that. In fact, they would drive all the way up to Arab pick her up or let her. They would follow her there and BacK to make sure she was at all of these Moments. And one of the reasons why I think that's so important is because of one of the things that the word honor means. In Exodus 2012, it was mentioned earlier that the word honor means to be heavy. And The IdEA of to be Heavy WAs really Talking about gold. And when we hear this, it may not mean a lot, but to that audience, when they hear to be heavy or valuable, like gold, in their mind, they knew something about gold. And it was this. That as gold is in your possession, the longer you live, it actually increases in value.
So when he's saying, honor your father and mother, he's saying, please understand the blessed opportunity you have. It's a privilege that you have that as they age, to carry that their honor and their value actually increases. And you see why their value increases, because he's letting you know this is one of the only commands that has a promise with it that your days will be long on the land. What he's saying, that your life actually gets better the more you see it that way. Number two, to give them space to grieve their independence, like the man in the video. And maybe for some of you, what was home sweet home. They're taken away from the place where they usually drink their coffee. They're not drinking it at the place there they usually eat their breakfast they're not eating breakfast anymore. It's brand new territory for you, and it's brand new territory for them. And as you walk through that, it's important to know it's not about us.
But I think about this too. That with kids, we raise our kids right to be self governed.
That's what we focus on. I tell my kids a lot that I'm not raising kids. I'm raising them to be adults, that I want them one day to make some big time decisions, to have a relationship with God that is their own, that they lead well, all of those things. So what I'm saying is we put so much focus on that. And then when they get older, all of a sudden all of that self governance is slowly starting to be taken away. Do you see the difficulty of that? We live that. We push that, but then the role is reversed. What I'm saying is there's going to be grief involved in that. But here's the other one, is to offer decision support only when it's needed. Now this doesn't mean that if there's a situation where the safety of someone else is at risk, sometimes you got to step in even if they don't want you to.
I think about what we have dealt with with my dad and driving.
The worse the Parkinson's got, the more nerve wracking it was for him to drive. But the difficulty was it made life easier for mom if Dad could drive, because then if she can't be at something or do something, so she's having to leave work or get my sister or somebody to arrange things. So the reason why I say that no situation is copy and paste. They're all different. They all have to be navigated at different levels. But there's a big difference. I guess what I'm saying is this. There's a big difference between caring for and controlling. Okay, understand the difference between the two of those. Here's another one, is to reminisce old stories and photos.
One of the things that I'm really grateful that Faulkner has, some of you may have heard this when Mitch shared it. Faulkner now has a health sciences department. And what I love so much about that health science department, it's located on a very busy street, Montgomery, called Atlanta Highway. And in fact, it's the one street in America that does not coordinate its red lights. But anyway, that's a whole nother story. But one of the things that Faulkner decided to do, knowing that there is different levels of poverty in the community, that they have used their students as they learn how to do physical therapy, occupational therapy or speech pathology. They have used their students that are almost about to get their degree to give free services to the people in the community.
Well, with Parkinson's, one of the things that my dad has struggled with is dementia. And so one of the things that they do with speech pathology is they have memory care, speech pathology. And so my dad is able to take advantage of this free service, and he will go to Faulkner. My mom or my sister will drop him off. And what they want dad to do is to bring with him photos.
And you know who they want photos of? Of him, my mom and the family.
See, because one of the things that they talk about, that sometimes that what can happen is they can, of course, start to forget your name, the people that they love. And so what they know, though, is if you bring those photos and they'll say, Denis, who is that? And Dennis, who is this? And can you share with us a little bit about what y'all are doing there? How did that make you feel? Did you enjoy that, that you can actually create pathways in their mind? Because, like I shared with you earlier, remember that dad, that every morning he would ask his son things. What was interesting is by him being patient with him, it's remarkable to see how much better he has become in his acceptance. Now, it doesn't always happen that way, but what I'm saying is it, can I also think of it kind of like this movie? If you remember 51st dates, the young lady in the movie, she has an accident where she has this brain trauma to where she forgets what she does every single day. But if you remember in the movie what he does, he has a video. Every morning when she wakes up, she puts that video in and she finds out about their story together, finds out about their wedding day, finds out about all those things. And each day he's patient with her.
Yes, we reminisce those old pictures and those old stories in order to keep their legacy alive. But there also is a neurological benefit to doing that, too. Here's the other thing that I wanted to encourage you with from a lot of our family here, is to allow yourself to mourn the loss of your parent. It's new for you, too.
You're going to have to give yourself some grace. This past July, we were at the ball field, and we were standing in line at a concession stand that was very long. And while I was standing there at that concession stand line, I noticed over to my left that there was this lady that was kind of moving around like this. And I could very obviously tell that she was lost. She was definitely in her eighty s and could have been older than that. And so she kept kind of having this panicked look on her face as she was pacing back and forth. So I just walked over and I said, hey, ma'am, are you looking for somebody? She said, I'm at a ball field. I said, yes, ma'am, you are at a ball field. She said, I'm watching my grandson. I said, yes, ma'am. She goes, I don't know where they're at. And I said, okay. I said, well, let's find them. So we started walking around the ball field, and as we were walking up in runs up this lady, and she goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And then she starts to cry. And she said, I picked up mom today and I brought her here because I wanted her to be able to see. And she said her son's name his games today. And I was trying to get all the stuff in the back bag, and I was trying to get his water bottle. And I know about that because leave something at every ball field in America. And so she's like, we're trying to put the baseball stuff in here. And I was trying to get the team picture. And then I look up and she's gone. And she's like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm like, no, it's okay.
And maybe some of you have been there, that she needs Grace, that she's not going to be perfect. It's navigating something new. It's uncharted territory. What I'm saying is you're going to have just like with everything in life, successes. And you're also going to have some moments of failure. Give yourself some grace. The next one is this to maintain respect and communication. I'll tell you especially, like what we talked about earlier, that sometimes we can long for the person that they were, that we miss out on the value in that moment of who they are. And because of that, it can cause at times, maybe a lack of respect and communication because you're frustrated. And the final thing is this, and this is what a lot of the afternoon is about, too, is to ask for caregiving help.
So I went with mom to one of Dad's appointments earlier this year because it was kind of at that breaking point. She didn't want to quit her job. She loves her job, but she also couldn't because of the whole insurance thing. So they're trying to figure out what to do. And so at that appointment, we just asked, we told him the situation and said, listen, we know that physical therapy is coming like a day or two a week. Can we add more days? And then on top of that, do you know of any organization that could come and sit with him? And the doctor just began to spill out all this information to us, and we ended up finding out about this organization in the Montgomery area called the Panda Project. It's a nonprofit organization that helps people like my mom that are in that position to bring a caregiver. And so almost every day, a lady named Mary. She's awesome. I think she's got like 1314 kids. Incredible. Mary comes and she sits with my dad and she cooks him meals, she sings with him. And by the way, every Monday, Mary and my dad sit together in the living room and they watch the Madison worship Service.
And so we found out about that know asking. And I guess what I'm saying is, with caregiving help, you have to take a lot of initiative. We've learned to learn what's out there. It's not just going to always be given to you. And the final thing is this, to a plan ahead to ensure security.
A lot of that's going to be focused this afternoon in elder care, law, and I will say in ministry. And I think our other ministers on staff would agree that one of the most common things we hear when we're walking people through that time in life where they have lost a loved one is the difficulty of when the kids or the parents or the grandparents have not had a will put together.
They had not had the estate or the plans in order. It's oftentimes assumed, well, things are going to be taken care of and the state's just going to naturally give it to this person. That's not necessarily the case. I'm not the expert on that. You'll hear about that this afternoon.
At the end of the day, when we think about caring for our mom and dad and our aging parent, it's not about our convenience. It's about their honor. I shared with you earlier that my attitude, my perspective, was not what it needed to be. And when I think about that, I think about how in my mind, I was like, well, I had my soccer games, I had my pledge group, and I had all of these things that I was really looking forward to and my parents coming to see those. And if you notice, the focus on that was me. And here I was trying to change the world, but here Jesus is on the cross, saving the world.
And he still sees his mom.
You go back to that cross. And one of the things that I think about is what I shared with you earlier about the way the Church family stepped up for my dad.
And part of the reason why my dad is alive is, number one, the power of prayer, but also because of people in the church family like Scott Latham and Pierce Flat.
And I shared this a few weeks ago, and if you're a guest here this morning, I want you to really, you probably know it's true, but I want to remind you is that the church truly is that network of protection here. You look down and I'm like, well, Jesus, why didn't you ask one of your family members? Jesus had family members. Why are you asking John? Well, if you look in John seven, verse five, for a while, Jesus's own family did not believe in him. It wasn't until he rose from the dead that they were like, oh, yeah, we believe he had to entrust the care of his mom to a friend named Know. We also have a responsibility as a church family. I love so much the Solos ministry. Jessica McNair and others are doing such a fantastic job with that to make sure people are not overlooked, because we all have a role together to honor. Yes, the orphans, but also the widows and the widowers. But the other thing I think about, when I think about the whole situation with John, if you look back in Matthew, John was not always at the cross.
He actually shows up a little bit later.
But still, the truth remains that he still showed up. And the reason why I mentioned that this morning is maybe you're here and you've never given your life to Christ.
The cross is a picture that every single person can, in fact, be forgiven. But the other thing I think about Is this, that maybe you've walked away from God. John came back to that cross, and I want to encourage you to know that. So can you. Maybe you've never given your life to Christ. Maybe for some of you in this room, what you need specific prayers for is endurance as you care for an aging parent. Maybe for some of you in this room, what you need prayers for is wisdom as you care for an aging parent. Just like every Sunday, we have shepherds that are going to be at each and every one of the exits. If you want to walk back there or if you want to come up here, we would love the honor and privilege to be that network of protection for you and to lift up what is near and dear to your heart and lift that up to the Father. So whatever it is you have a need of today. Please come while we stand and we sing this song.
